It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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