i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
