Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
