We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
