I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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