Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
