He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
