forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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