C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
