I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
His nipple licking is glorious
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