Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
