why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
