this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
this boner is exhausting
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
