my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
