How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So much rum. So many feels.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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