they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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