dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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