and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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