I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
