He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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