He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
