I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
