This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
