the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize