the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
