I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
