All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize