They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
