I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
