i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
