The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
