grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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