I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
