FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
