I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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