I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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