There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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