I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
