I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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