quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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