I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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