Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
