i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Of course I have a pirate flag
You are the jesus of drinking
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize