the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
