Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
