I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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