I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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