The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My ass is underappreciated
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize