Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
