is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He better not be in your backpack
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
