Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
