really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize