She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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