But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize