Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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