Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
