Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
pray to the hookup gods
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
