Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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