the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
