oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
