My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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