On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
