you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
