i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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