theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize