It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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