Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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