Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
