I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
