Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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