if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
