i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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