Your face is a jimmy john
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
