I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
